The Bible and Homosexuality - A Christian Understanding

Of all the hot button topics currently being discussed in the United States and Europe, one of the most contentious is homosexuality. It is an extremely complicated topic, especially when discussing the cultural implications. Biblically too, there are many arguments about homosexuality. Some of them are ridiculous arguments by biblically and historically ignorant individuals about “a woman and her rapist” (See http://www.gotquestions.org/Deuteronomy-22-28-29-marry-rapist.html), polygamy (http://www.gotquestions.org/polygamy.html) and a variety of other objections designed to negate arguments against homosexuality by Christians. I hope that the articles I have linked will provide at least a cursory understanding of those other passages, because I simply do not have the time to discuss all of them here.

Nevertheless, the existence of these things does not in any way nullify the plain fact that the Bible condemns homosexuality in both the Old and New Testaments.

OLD TESTAMENT:

“You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination.” Leviticus 18:22

“If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.” Leviticus 20:13

NEW TESTAMENT:

“Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason, God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.” Romans 1:24-27

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

I would like to make a distinction between the Old and New Testaments here. The Old Testament, especially the Levitical laws that I am cited above, were specifically for the nation of Israel, at a specific time. There are many sins leading to the death penalty cited in the Old Testament for which the punishment in the New Testament time is emphatically not death. Of course, there is always the larger understanding that death in general is a consequence of sin, and in that sense, the punishment for sin is always death, regardless of the sin (Romans 6:23). We can have a longer discussion about the various portions of the Old Testament – moral law, civil law, etc. at another time. However, my point is that Christians ought not go around promoting the death of the sexually immoral, because that is no longer how these things are handled by God in the New Testament. The last citation in 1 Corinthians ought to make this clear in that “such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” v. 11 If Christians were supposed to put to death those who are engaged in that lifestyle then those who have been forgiven in the Corinthians passage would not exist!

Moving forward then…As Christians, if we believe that Scripture really is the Word of God, we cannot say to homosexuals that what they are doing is ok. To do that is to deny on its face the crystal clear teaching of the Bible. Also, it is a terrible witness! It may be easier to cave to the culture in accepting homosexuality (and a myriad of other sins), but what does that say about what we believe? It is malleable, moldable… to sum up: It Isn’t True. If we don’t even believe in what we claim to believe (The Bible), then how can we possibly expect to be a good witness to those around us?

We do not respect politicians or leaders in other spheres of our lives who flip flop on issues. Why should people in the world respect us and our positions if we do not stand firm on our convictions? The Bible puts it this way: “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.” Ephesians 4:14

Alright, we have done two things so far. 1) We have determined that homosexuality is a sin. 2) We have established that our convictions must be firm when it comes to our position as Christians on homosexuality (and every other sin!). Now we must decide what we ought to do about it. How do you handle situations in your life where you must interact with homosexuals? They may be close friends, family, coworkers or classmates.

First of all, every individual is different. I will not ever prescribe a one-size-fits all approach to anything. However, I will provide you with a singular goal in whatever you do: Do it all for the glory of God. In other words, develop a relationship with them to such a degree as they know that you are genuine and care about them. If the topic of homosexuality comes up, let them know where you stand – using the Bible (you can of course bring it up too). This will more than likely include you telling them that their lifestyle is sinful, so prepare yourself for that in advance. The relationship may dissolve because you took a stand. Do not be afraid. Always, speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). However, recognize that “This is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.” (John 3:19) As Christians, we are commanded to, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.” (Mark 16:15) This also means to those we know who are caught up in a homosexual lifestyle.

If the response is not good, remember that Jesus said “If the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: “A servant is not greater than his master.” If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.” (John 15:18-20) But if someone you are talking to repents and turns to Christ, rejoice that you have a new brother/sister in the Lord and point them in the direction of a good, Bible-believing church where they can be taught and grow.

Always remember when you are talking to homosexuals in your life that “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” Their sin is not unique, or more sinful then other sins in your own life. Homosexuality is not a special sin! Also, it is a sin that can be overcome through the power of God.

This leads to the next obvious issue: are their people who struggle with homosexuality in the church? Yes, just like there are those who struggle with lying and committing adultery and thievery, etc in the church. Does that mean that we ought to allow a continued lifestyle of homosexuality? No. No more than we allow serial adulterers, liars, etc to maintain good standing in the church. If someone is caught up in a sinful lifestyle in the church, then church discipline is to be enacted on them, and if they refuse to repent, they are to be removed from the fellowship, and treated like an unbeliever. The purpose of this discipline is to encourage repentance and a restoration to fellowship with the body of Christ. Nevertheless, even if the person is removed from fellowship, it simply means that we do what we would presumably do with every other nonbeliever….witness to them! We don’t ostracize, make fun of, or treat poorly, those who are in a sinful lifestyle.  We do tell them that what they are doing is sinful according to Scripture, and give them the gospel and pray for them in the hopes that the Holy Spirit will enliven their hearts and give them faith and repentance leading to salvation. This is the ultimately hope for every sinner – and it is the hope of every Christian – that our sins have been forgiven in Christ if we are his children, and some day we will struggle with sin no more when we join him in ultimate resurrection.

I hope this post will help equip you to better deal with the culture at large and the issue of homosexuality as a Christian. I understand that I only scratched the surface of this topic, and did not talk about the issue of “gay marriage” at all. I am hoping to write a new post about that soon, so stay tuned. Suffice it to say for now that I tend to believe that it is not within the realm of the government to condone marriage at all, so regardless of what the Supreme Court decides in the coming weeks, I do not base my definition of marriage on the government anyway. Enough of that though...it’s a topic for a later time.

If you have any questions, please feel free to comment below. I am considering setting up a separate e-mail account for this blog so that private conversations can be had, but I haven’t done it yet. If your comments contain vulgarity or derogatory language, I will not allow them to be posted, as everything is filtered before it is allowed to be seen in the comments section. I am saying this only because this topic is so emotional, not to be insulting to my readers. Thank-you for taking the time to read!

Sincerely,

~Lady Robinson

Thoughts on Suicide

Suicide is a very difficult thing to discuss, but it is even more difficult to ignore. One of my classmates told me today that she had been to a funeral earlier for a young person who committed suicide. I too, went to a funeral nearly a year ago for the same reason, so it is on my mind. I would like to take some time today to briefly address two major questions about suicide from a Christian worldview: What is a Christian response to suicide? And how should we as Christians feel about suicide?

Beginning with the response, regardless of feelings, we should express sympathy and love toward the surviving friends and family. No one ought to be more supportive than the Christian community during that time of bitter and terrible grief. If the family has needs, we ought to meet them - food, bills (especially if the person was the breadwinner), encouraging Bible verses, and loving notes. Yet, sometimes we ought to be silent. Like Job's friends during his early days of sorrow, many people who have lost a loved one need someone to sit with them in silence as they grieve.

Oftentimes, as Christians we view suicide as the unforgivable sin. Do not misunderstand me, it is a sin, and the person cannot ask forgiveness for that sin. However, that does not mean that it cannot be forgiven. Assuming that this person was a Christian, then Christ has taken all of their sins, past, present, and future. I am going to make the assertion here that it is possible for Christians get depressed too. (See David Murphy's book "Christians Get Depressed Too). In addition, sometimes for medical reasons Christians become depressed to the point of suicide.

Jesus is more than able to forgive even suicide, because he took that sin on the cross for the believer. The penalty is already paid, just like for every sin a believer has or will commit. I am grateful that Jesus has paid for all of my sins, even those I can't remember! All this to say that suicide is not condemning to hell for those who are in Christ, and as the church we ought not be condemning toward the loved ones of the deceased because there is "no hope."

"Neither death nor life... Can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 If suicide is automatically condemning to hell, then anyone who has ever died as a result of sin is going to hell. Christians ought to recognize that this is, in fact, everyone! "For the wages of sin is death..." Romans 6:23 Suicide is not a "special" sin that cannot be forgiven, and when we talk about it with people, we ought not act as though it were.

Now, for the unbeliever who has committed suicide, our response toward their family should be the same outpouring of love. However, there is greater bitterness here because the person is in hell with no hope of escape. Just like every unbeliever that dies in their sins, unrepentant, and unsaved, this person is in hell.

It is important to note here two things. First, it is not necessary for a Christian to mention this to either a believing of unbelieving family at the loss of their unsaved loved one. Secondly, regardless of the family, most people will deny that their loved one is in hell. It is not the responsibility of the Christian to convince the family of this. Our job is to share the love of the gospel with them and let the Holy Spirit do the revealing work as He wills.

Now, I would like to address the second question posed at the beginning of this post: "How should we as Christians feel about suicide?" The answer to this too depends on the spiritual condition of the deceased. Obviously, one would and should feel heartbreak over the loss of life in general. For the deceased Christian, we have hope to see them again, and hope for peace for them. However, their death should renew in us a desire to be encouraging toward our brothers and sisters in Christ, providing discipleship in order to prevent suicide in the church. Our heartbreak should lead to resolve in this respect. But we should also take heart, because we do not weep as those who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

For the unbeliever, our resolve should also be kindled, but toward a different sort of goal, that is salvation. We ought to look at the loss of a soul as very serious, and that must motivate us to share the gospel with unbelievers everywhere regardless of their mental state. Our friendliness must always be founded on a straightforward and loving presentation of the gospel.

Additionally, in an overarching sense, we must trust God with every situation. The things that happen are not without purpose, and that includes suicide. The devastation that occurs as a result of suicide ought to turn us toward God and His purposes, even when we cannot see the ends of those purposes. We may never know why someone took their own life - each person is unique in their reasons. To expect to understand every aspect of suicide is unreasonable because of this alone... Most of the time we won't ever know, and we probably won't completely understand God's purpose in it either. "The secret things belong to The Lord." (Deuteronomy 29:29)

Many times we find that to be an insufficient answer in the time following a suicide. This is wrong thinking on our part because we are not owed an explanation for everything that happens. Difficult as it is, we have to reorient our hearts in order to accept this. God does, however, say that his grace is indeed sufficient in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) We have to depend on His grace when we do not understand.

I understand that, feelings what they are, it will take time and tears to work through all of these aspects of suicide. I have no doubt that this article has stirred up strong emotions, as many of my readers are sure to be intimately familiar with this topic. My post is not meant to conjure up fear, but rather give hope, encouragement, and peace to broken hearts while still maintaining Scriptural integrity to the best of my ability. I have only barely touched the surface of the topic of depression, grief, and suicide - it is by no means a comprehensive "final word" on the subject.

If my readers feel the need to add to this article, please feel free to comment below. Please be thoughtful and gentle with your comments, as we all sort through this difficult aspect of life. Thank-you.

Sincerely
~Lady Robinson

Blessed Assurance

There are certain things that you don't expect to deal with two months before you get married. Even during these days I am incredibly grateful that my present situation does not determine my ultimate hope. The past few days have presented several trials, some of which are not yet resolved. Although the nature of the trial is not the point of this post, I will at least give a brief overview. To start, I think that many couples have experienced the loss of a vehicle. My fiance and I happened to lose both of ours in one weekend due to no fault of our own. Mine was parked when a drunk driver crashed into it (I was not in the vehicle), and his engine died the next day. The combined damages totaled over $15,000. Obviously not exactly an ideal situation. My car is being taken care of by the driver's insurance company, but the truck was dead. We are in the process of replacing it, and are having a rather hard time with the companies and paperwork involved. Prayer is appreciated on that front!

Nevertheless, in the midst of utter chaos, I am reminded that the things that happen do occur for a reason. Although the ultimate outcome of this situation is yet to be revealed, I am grateful that I can trust God with the whole thing. Matthew 6:25-34 states:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 How I need to hear these verses! I am far too concerned in general with what is currently happening, especially when I feel helpless to do anything about it. When I heard my car being crushed outside my window, I had a meltdown. My reaction shows a serious need for growth. Upon later reflection, I realized that I valued my car, transportation, convenience, and certainty in uncertain perishable things too much. It is unwise to place so much weight on stuff. I am reminded of the phrase, "You can't take it with you." Oh, the truth of that statement. Let me just kindly suggest that it is an expensive lesson to learn...

Despite its trivial nature, I cried over that car. I am ashamed to admit it. However, a reconsideration of what is important was necessary for me to reorient myself before I got married, and this situation provided the perfect opportunity for that reorientation. I ought not scorn an opportunity to learn and grow, although my first reaction is to recoil. Reminded of its helplessness, the heart cries out in terror... We don't like being out of control. I especially don't like being out of control! Yet, relationships are often like that, and they will have to endure the pressure of situations like this one. It is how we learn to rely on and trust each other. 

The truth of the matter is this: In every aspect of our lives, we are ultimately not the determiner of our situation, or its outcome. But it is our responsibility to plan, prepare and react properly to the plan of God in our lives in order to bring Him glory in the joys and trials that come. The book of James puts it this way:

“Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:13-15

And Proverbs 16:9 reminds us: "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Even more importantly, the Lord has chosen to interrupt our plans in the salvation from the sins we previously loved! As the old hymn states, "Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul." (It Is Well With My Soul - Spafford 1873) With this knowledge, how can the "little things" (even when they seem big) continue to plague me? If the care of my soul is truly entrusted to "Him who judges justly," (1 Peter 2:23) and if he has "even the hairs of (my) head all numbered" (Luke 12:7), then can I not trust him with a car? or two? Ultimately, my hope is in this good God, and I can go away singing:

Blessèd assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Blessed Assurance by Fanny Crosby 1873

~Lady Robinson

Heart Checks

One of the things I admire most about my fiance is his desire to communicate with me. He is actually much better at being consistent about communicating then I am, but I'm learning! Toward the beginning of the relationship he started this weird thing called "heart checks", which I wasn't so sure about initially. Basically, he would ask me from time to time (probably every week or two), "How is your heart doing?" "Is there anything you need/want to talk about?" At first, I really didn't know what to say. It was awkward sometimes to actually say what was on my mind, because sometimes it didn't "fit" the context of what was happening around us, or the topic of conversation just discussed.

Even so, we both persevered through the awkwardness until it became natural to discuss anything and everything with each other. Now it isn't so necessary for us to have a "name" for our little discussions, but they still happen all the time.

I wouldn't normally bring up this topic because it often takes a little explanation as to why it wasn't natural for him and I to discuss everything at first. The truth of the matter is that we were set up on basically a blind date, and we really didn't know each other! We had to get to the "meaningful" stage quickly because we both wanted to get married, and if the other person wasn't right for us, we both wanted to know as soon as possible to avoid heartbreak later on. So, the heart checks started once we were sure we wanted to continue the relationship (within the first month of us going out).

It may not be awkward for every couple to do these very purposeful heart checks, but for some people they will feel very "premeditated." Well... they are! I believe in relationship with purpose, but surrounded by love and romance. When my fiance and I do heart checks, it is a display of love with a goal in mind - the other's emotional/spiritual health. We don't have a "specific" time during which we have these special conversations, so in that sense ours are spontaneous, but some couples may need to set aside some time every week to just get to know the other one all over again.

Hearts need attachment, they need love, and they need care on a regular basis. This is oftentimes (not always) the problem with long-distance type relationships. But those of us who live near our significant others (or spouses hopefully with your husband/wife), often become complacent in having that other person around. We assume that they know what is going on in our life, but they may be in the dark about our struggles if we don't share with them what's going on. Neither men nor women are mind readers! Don't take for granted the physical presence of your significant other and expect that they know what's going on in your heart without a clear and honest discussion.

One of the ways in which my fiance and I accomplish regular heart checks is through date night. We try and take time every week to go out and talk, regardless of what we end up doing during that day/night. It may just be sitting around with a cup of tea in the evening and chatting. That certainly qualifies as date night! And it is the perfect setting for sharing your heart with your significant other.

I am so grateful that my love takes time to check on my spiritual health, my emotional health, and everything in between. I'm so glad that he didn't mind the awkwardness that we experienced to achieve the level of emotional intimacy we have today through these heart checks. I hope that every couple gets to experience what we have! And I encourage you to try it if you haven't yet with your significant other. God bless your endeavors!

Sincerely
~Lady Robinson

Peace! Peace!

The United Nations was intended to be a safety net designed to promote the welfare of many nations through peace and economic stabilization. Although I am most definitely not against the promotion of peace, it concerns me that many nations have submitted themselves to an overarching "collective" organization that may or may not have the best interests of the county at heart. I want to emphasize that it is not for the good they have done in the world that I am criticizing this organization (or better yet, group of organizations. See IMF, World Bank, etc.) I am more attempting to provide a critique of the reasons for the existence of the organization in the first place.

What is the fundamental problem? Well, for protection (i.e. peace) to occur, submission to the protector must occur. This peace given by the U.N. has not surprisingly come at a price for many nations in the form of sanctions, regulations, and sometimes complete economic overhaul (See the Asian Financial Crisis or the Argentinian or Mexican Financial Crisis situations for further study). This is not surprising to me because it is difficult for any institution with values of its own to somehow bring together many nations operating off of different fundamental presuppositions about life, economics, and government together and expect that a particular policy objective will in some way be good for every country. If it isn't good for every country, who gets left out? And more importantly, who decides who gets the short end of the stick?

Personally, I am unwilling to submit myself entirely to my government for my protection and the protection of my family. "Entirely" being the key word. However, I do submit myself to the police force, firefighters, and public hospital workers for some degree of overarching protection and health. These things do not necessarily exist in opposition to each other. I am not anti-protection or anti-government. If anything, the government ought to be serving the people in this way! And I am grateful for that service. I believe that government exists to "govern" a body of individuals, each with their own rights and freedoms, by providing a societal order that facilitates these freedoms. The government ought not work in opposition to those freedoms. So in this way the government works for the people, not the other way around.

Just as the current gun legislation will lead to the suppression of individual rights, taking away my right to protect myself in the way I deem appropriate, so the U.N. overreaches when it dictates policies to nations that infringe upon the basic freedoms of the citizens.

The U.N. works for the nations which are a part of it. However, the U.N. ought to have even less power and authority over the lives of citizens because it is not elected by the people, and is not therefore accountable to the people like our government theoretically is.... It amazes me that a nation like America which is so apparently concerned with "democracy" would be behind such an institution.

Although the U.N. does much good in the world, I believe it needs to be restructured at least. I do not have the answer, but there needs to be some mechanism of accountability to the citizens of the "United" nations. Otherwise, the U.N. is nothing more than an oligopoly, an elitist group over all nations, dictating what they ought and ought not do. The major difference is elections, decisions, term limits, and these types of things.

I believe that at some point it is inevitable that the U.N. will overreach in its authority, if it hasn't already. Peace is not worth the sacrifice of freedom. It is too high a price. They say, "Peace! Peace!" When there is no peace. Do not be fooled, an oligopoly has only ever led to war.

The concept of the U.N. is not a bad one, but the structure of the U.N. is poor at best. As with many systems of government in the world, the U.N. does not place individual freedom as its priority. Prosperity and peace are only possible under the freedom to innovate, produce, and truly live without oppression. Let us not be the nation that is taken over because we sacrifice our freedom for a peace that will never be realized.

Think About It
~ Lady Robinson

Showered with Blessings

It is difficult for me to explain the feelings of gratefulness that overwhelm the bride at her wedding shower. The incredible generosity of my friends, family, and relatives is unfathomable. And I thought birthdays were fun!! I never could have foreseen the beauty of the day, given the nervous wreck I became about an hour before the party started.

In the beginning, I made the horrible mistake of putting "regrets only" on the 100+ invitations that were sent out. I didn't want my maid of honor (a busy girl in her own right) to be bombarded with calls, but it caused a good deal of stress as people didn't call.....and didn't call....and didn't call! Even people who I knew for a fact wouldn't come (out of state, etc) didn't call. The result was a crazy guessing game to figure out how many people would show up. Brides beware!

We finally decided on a realistic number and began setting up the somewhat cozy fellowship hall at my church. That afternoon people started trickling in one by one, and some large groups. At one point I left the room to be interviewed for a nice form of the newlywed game, and when I came back the room was packed, with even more coming in! The gift table overflowed. People were joyful as they reunited with old friends over an even more joyful union. My fiance and I made our way around the room saying our hello's to our friends old and new.

I heard a count at one point of 76 women, but I'm sure that including the bridal party and coordinators, there were at least 85-90. We had enough food, yay! We also had enough tables and chairs (barely!), and the Lord took care of everything that we could not foresee. I was absolutely overwhelmed!

But the real shocking thing was how people's love and support manifested itself in the incredible gifts. My fiance and I are so grateful for the things to start our new home with! I went home and cried for the generosity that was shown, the sacrifices people made, and the grace of God in our lives that brought us to this point.

People kept asking me throughout the day, "what are you feeling?" I had no real answer for them! How could I describe the love I felt? There are no words adequate to describe that thankfulness. It hit me again the day after, when Mr. Robinson and I were going through and packing up/organizing everything, and again when we wrote some of the thank-you notes. We are still trying to track down the extra envelopes for mailed in gifts!

If you were there, you saw the love and fellowship, and this is my way of describing "what I'm feeling" for those who asked. Thank-you so much for your friendship and support as we start our new life. Mr and I are praying blessings on you all. Our wedding shower was an absolutely unforgettable experience!

Sincerely,
~Lady Robinson

The List

To kick off the “pre-wedding” blog posts, I want to share something that is rather dear to my heart: my list. The, “things I want in a husband,” list. I started my list when I was about 15, and it has grown since then. This list was initially a diary entry, and I am going to keep it in that format for the blog.

Dear Diary,

What follows is a formal list of attributes and character qualities that I want in a husband.

1. First, and most importantly, he must be a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14). This must be displayed not only in his moral character and conduct, and attendance of church services, but also in his Bible reading and use of God’s Word in his interaction with others.

Because everything after this is of equal value, no numbering will be given.

-          He must be wise (Proverbs 5:1). This includes all his dealings, both emotionally and financially (Proverbs 1:8-19). Also, he must be able to wisely interpret and obey the Bible.

-          He must possess the fruits of the Spirit as outlined in Galatians Chapter 5. This, of course, can not be in a perfect sense (I am not unreasonable), as no one can completely achieve the fullness of these qualities.

-          He must honor his parents (Ephesians 6:1-3), and not be rebellious. Also, he must be willing to leave his parents when we get married (Ephesians 5:31; Genesis 2:24). There has to be a balance in his relationship with them (Proverbs 1:8-9).

-          He needs to show that he is called to the same ministry as I am. He does not need to do the same thing that I do, but we need to have common goals. In Proverbs 31, the husband and the wife both have different jobs, yet they support each other in those things.

-          He must have a job, which pays him enough to support a family. Whatever that may be, he must be skilled in it (Proverbs 22:29), not slothful or lazy (Proverbs 10:4).

-          He must be a respectable person (Proverbs 31:23), whom I can submit to (Colossians 3:18), support and be proud of. His respectability should be reflected in the way his family, friends, and co-workers treat him (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13).

-          He must be a humble person (Proverbs 15:33). This should be apparent in his prayers, and in his attitude (2 Chronicles 7:14; Daniel 10:12). When he is wrong, he must be able to admit it, and ask for forgiveness if necessary. He also must be able to forgive me when I wrong him.

-          He must be honest in all his dealings (Proverbs 12:22). Even with small, seemingly insignificant things, he must be honest.

-          He must be an encouraging person (1 Thessalonians 5:11), who has discernment when advising or counseling (Proverbs 2:11). Whenever someone is down, he needs to try to lift them up.

-          He must be able to stand up for what is right and not be ashamed of the gospel of Christ (Romans 1:16).

-          He must have a sense of honor and chivalry about him.

-          He needs to be clean. For instance, frequent showers and a desire to smell good are a must! Hygiene is important to me…

-          He must want more than one child. His desire to be a wonderful father should be evident.

-          He must be able to receive criticism in a Christ-like manner. He should not lose his temper (Psalm 4:4).

-          He must want to Homeschool any children we have, and we need to agree on curriculum choices especially in the areas of science, religion, and other controversial topics (Proverbs 22:6).

-          I would like him to be somewhat mathematically minded.

-          He needs to celebrate the same holidays that I do.

-          He should have some knowledge of classical music (for homeschooling purposes), and preferably play an instrument (or have played one in the past). This is so that he can have an appreciation for music and the arts, not because I am snobby!

-          He needs to be somewhat handy when it comes to automobile or household repairs (Proverbs 12:11, 14; Proverbs 14:23; Proverbs 22:29). This is simply a practical life skill that I think is important.

-          He needs to like to travel, but enjoy coming home too.

-          He needs to be laid back enough to let me decorate and redecorate the house (within reason of course), without freaking out.

-          I would like him to be older than me (Ephesians 5:33 – Respect). I have a harder time respecting and looking up to a man who is younger than me.

-          I need to be physically attracted to him!

Before I get too far, I would like to say that no person is perfect, and obviously even though it sounds like I want to marry Jesus himself from the list above, in my mind I understand my own limits and desires when it comes to those certain attributes. Some of my requests may seem unreasonable to a young woman who has different tolerances for different things in a man and I expect everyone who reads this list to understand that it is not a “one size fits all” list of husband requirements! Even so, I have a lot of scripture that goes along with the requirements, which should be taken into account. Some of those listed are just principles that apply to the particular quality, and some of them indicate that the quality really should be a requirement, like the ministry one. If you and whoever you are seeing are going in totally different directions in your life (even if those things are equally honoring to God!), it is probably not going to work. Being a Christian of course precludes this.

In some areas, I had to adapt over time, and the Lord is teaching me through that adaptation, but change was never required in any of the “must have” Biblical non-negotiable areas. For instance, my fiancé is not a particularly “handy” person when it comes to household and automobile repairs. However, he is learning (under my dad) and is always willing to help his or my dad out with things that need to be accomplished around the house. So, that was an area that I (sorta) compromised on when choosing a husband.

I would encourage anyone who is thinking about marriage to separate your list into two parts – negotiable and non-negotiable. The non-negotiable things ought to be pulled directly from Scripture because it honestly isn’t fair to young men to expect them to be perfect! Some things you will grow together in over time. I know that over the past two years or so my fiancé and I have become far more alike in many areas, and I think that many married couples will attest to the fact that over time you start to meld together. That’s part of what “becoming one” is all about.

For example, I would put the honoring your parents, yet leaving your parents, into the non-negotiable category. I have seen marriages destroyed because couples are all “mama’s boys (or girls), or daddies girls, etc..” and I wanted none of it. On the other hand, mathematically minded men need not despair, because that is definitely a negotiable portion of the list! So, that’s just an example of ways to divide it up. Always realize though that people are flawed. No one can be perfectly wise, humble, patient, encouraging, etc. And if you expect a man to be that way then you’ll never get married. And honestly, if you think you are all of those things, you’re too proud to be married! Always check yourself before you hold your prospective husband to negotiable standards.

In the end, keep to the list you make. I have seen people make a very reasonable list, and then find themselves breaking everything on it just to date some cute guy who is going in a totally different direction, and leading them in that direction too (remember you become like the person you’re with over time). Even so, I’ll tell you now, it usually ends up in heartbreak. Don’t be afraid to ask your significant other questions about disciplining kids, church, sex, marriage, and whatever else is non negotiable within the first couple weeks of going out. In the church, we oftentimes only put emphasis on setting sexual boundaries, but that is most definitely not the only area you should focus on early in your relationship! My fiancé and I discussed the non-negotiables within the first three dates. He didn’t run away and neither did I. That alone ought to give some hope to young couples looking for marriage.

Sincerely,

~Lady Robinson

White Linen & Lace

White linen and lace usually characterize weddings, marriage, and purity.... It is also the name of a lovely scented candle sitting on my desk!

And yet I am getting married in only two and  half months to a Mr. Robinson whom I have been engaged to for 9 and a half months. So, the white linen and lace do serve their usual purpose for this blog. It is my intent to document the transition from single to married using this outlet, including observations, things that go wrong, and all of the joys and learning experiences included in newlywed life. Although it may seem premature to call myself Lady Robinson, I really didn't want to change the name of the blog in two months, so I believe my readers can bear with me until I truly have that name.

Why "Lady Robinson's Tearoom"? Lady, is more interesting to me than Mrs... Also, there are two living Mrs. Robinson's, and I feel odd abducting their names for a blog. So, I am setting a distinction between the three of us, although I will proudly share their name throughout the course of the rest of my life. The tearoom comes from my desire to have discussion related to current events on this blog, not just married life. I am heavily interested in political developments both national and international. My degree is in Economics, and I am a bit of a news junkie although I try not to be obsessive about it. Additionally, I am a Christian and interested in theological and doctrinal discussion, some of which I am sure will make its way onto the "pages" of this blog. I always pictured a tearoom as a place where friends met to discuss the latest ideas and their newest interests. As a result, I could come up with no better description of what I wanted this blog to be, plus, I really like tea! And coffee... But that is beside the point.

It is my hope and prayer that this blog will be edifying to its readers, as well as humorous and thought-provoking over the course of time. To that end, I thank those readers who take the time to partake in the tidbits to come!


Sincerely
~The Future Lady Robinson