Thoughts on Suicide

Suicide is a very difficult thing to discuss, but it is even more difficult to ignore. One of my classmates told me today that she had been to a funeral earlier for a young person who committed suicide. I too, went to a funeral nearly a year ago for the same reason, so it is on my mind. I would like to take some time today to briefly address two major questions about suicide from a Christian worldview: What is a Christian response to suicide? And how should we as Christians feel about suicide?

Beginning with the response, regardless of feelings, we should express sympathy and love toward the surviving friends and family. No one ought to be more supportive than the Christian community during that time of bitter and terrible grief. If the family has needs, we ought to meet them - food, bills (especially if the person was the breadwinner), encouraging Bible verses, and loving notes. Yet, sometimes we ought to be silent. Like Job's friends during his early days of sorrow, many people who have lost a loved one need someone to sit with them in silence as they grieve.

Oftentimes, as Christians we view suicide as the unforgivable sin. Do not misunderstand me, it is a sin, and the person cannot ask forgiveness for that sin. However, that does not mean that it cannot be forgiven. Assuming that this person was a Christian, then Christ has taken all of their sins, past, present, and future. I am going to make the assertion here that it is possible for Christians get depressed too. (See David Murphy's book "Christians Get Depressed Too). In addition, sometimes for medical reasons Christians become depressed to the point of suicide.

Jesus is more than able to forgive even suicide, because he took that sin on the cross for the believer. The penalty is already paid, just like for every sin a believer has or will commit. I am grateful that Jesus has paid for all of my sins, even those I can't remember! All this to say that suicide is not condemning to hell for those who are in Christ, and as the church we ought not be condemning toward the loved ones of the deceased because there is "no hope."

"Neither death nor life... Can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 If suicide is automatically condemning to hell, then anyone who has ever died as a result of sin is going to hell. Christians ought to recognize that this is, in fact, everyone! "For the wages of sin is death..." Romans 6:23 Suicide is not a "special" sin that cannot be forgiven, and when we talk about it with people, we ought not act as though it were.

Now, for the unbeliever who has committed suicide, our response toward their family should be the same outpouring of love. However, there is greater bitterness here because the person is in hell with no hope of escape. Just like every unbeliever that dies in their sins, unrepentant, and unsaved, this person is in hell.

It is important to note here two things. First, it is not necessary for a Christian to mention this to either a believing of unbelieving family at the loss of their unsaved loved one. Secondly, regardless of the family, most people will deny that their loved one is in hell. It is not the responsibility of the Christian to convince the family of this. Our job is to share the love of the gospel with them and let the Holy Spirit do the revealing work as He wills.

Now, I would like to address the second question posed at the beginning of this post: "How should we as Christians feel about suicide?" The answer to this too depends on the spiritual condition of the deceased. Obviously, one would and should feel heartbreak over the loss of life in general. For the deceased Christian, we have hope to see them again, and hope for peace for them. However, their death should renew in us a desire to be encouraging toward our brothers and sisters in Christ, providing discipleship in order to prevent suicide in the church. Our heartbreak should lead to resolve in this respect. But we should also take heart, because we do not weep as those who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

For the unbeliever, our resolve should also be kindled, but toward a different sort of goal, that is salvation. We ought to look at the loss of a soul as very serious, and that must motivate us to share the gospel with unbelievers everywhere regardless of their mental state. Our friendliness must always be founded on a straightforward and loving presentation of the gospel.

Additionally, in an overarching sense, we must trust God with every situation. The things that happen are not without purpose, and that includes suicide. The devastation that occurs as a result of suicide ought to turn us toward God and His purposes, even when we cannot see the ends of those purposes. We may never know why someone took their own life - each person is unique in their reasons. To expect to understand every aspect of suicide is unreasonable because of this alone... Most of the time we won't ever know, and we probably won't completely understand God's purpose in it either. "The secret things belong to The Lord." (Deuteronomy 29:29)

Many times we find that to be an insufficient answer in the time following a suicide. This is wrong thinking on our part because we are not owed an explanation for everything that happens. Difficult as it is, we have to reorient our hearts in order to accept this. God does, however, say that his grace is indeed sufficient in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) We have to depend on His grace when we do not understand.

I understand that, feelings what they are, it will take time and tears to work through all of these aspects of suicide. I have no doubt that this article has stirred up strong emotions, as many of my readers are sure to be intimately familiar with this topic. My post is not meant to conjure up fear, but rather give hope, encouragement, and peace to broken hearts while still maintaining Scriptural integrity to the best of my ability. I have only barely touched the surface of the topic of depression, grief, and suicide - it is by no means a comprehensive "final word" on the subject.

If my readers feel the need to add to this article, please feel free to comment below. Please be thoughtful and gentle with your comments, as we all sort through this difficult aspect of life. Thank-you.

Sincerely
~Lady Robinson

Blessed Assurance

There are certain things that you don't expect to deal with two months before you get married. Even during these days I am incredibly grateful that my present situation does not determine my ultimate hope. The past few days have presented several trials, some of which are not yet resolved. Although the nature of the trial is not the point of this post, I will at least give a brief overview. To start, I think that many couples have experienced the loss of a vehicle. My fiance and I happened to lose both of ours in one weekend due to no fault of our own. Mine was parked when a drunk driver crashed into it (I was not in the vehicle), and his engine died the next day. The combined damages totaled over $15,000. Obviously not exactly an ideal situation. My car is being taken care of by the driver's insurance company, but the truck was dead. We are in the process of replacing it, and are having a rather hard time with the companies and paperwork involved. Prayer is appreciated on that front!

Nevertheless, in the midst of utter chaos, I am reminded that the things that happen do occur for a reason. Although the ultimate outcome of this situation is yet to be revealed, I am grateful that I can trust God with the whole thing. Matthew 6:25-34 states:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 How I need to hear these verses! I am far too concerned in general with what is currently happening, especially when I feel helpless to do anything about it. When I heard my car being crushed outside my window, I had a meltdown. My reaction shows a serious need for growth. Upon later reflection, I realized that I valued my car, transportation, convenience, and certainty in uncertain perishable things too much. It is unwise to place so much weight on stuff. I am reminded of the phrase, "You can't take it with you." Oh, the truth of that statement. Let me just kindly suggest that it is an expensive lesson to learn...

Despite its trivial nature, I cried over that car. I am ashamed to admit it. However, a reconsideration of what is important was necessary for me to reorient myself before I got married, and this situation provided the perfect opportunity for that reorientation. I ought not scorn an opportunity to learn and grow, although my first reaction is to recoil. Reminded of its helplessness, the heart cries out in terror... We don't like being out of control. I especially don't like being out of control! Yet, relationships are often like that, and they will have to endure the pressure of situations like this one. It is how we learn to rely on and trust each other. 

The truth of the matter is this: In every aspect of our lives, we are ultimately not the determiner of our situation, or its outcome. But it is our responsibility to plan, prepare and react properly to the plan of God in our lives in order to bring Him glory in the joys and trials that come. The book of James puts it this way:

“Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:13-15

And Proverbs 16:9 reminds us: "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Even more importantly, the Lord has chosen to interrupt our plans in the salvation from the sins we previously loved! As the old hymn states, "Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul." (It Is Well With My Soul - Spafford 1873) With this knowledge, how can the "little things" (even when they seem big) continue to plague me? If the care of my soul is truly entrusted to "Him who judges justly," (1 Peter 2:23) and if he has "even the hairs of (my) head all numbered" (Luke 12:7), then can I not trust him with a car? or two? Ultimately, my hope is in this good God, and I can go away singing:

Blessèd assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Blessed Assurance by Fanny Crosby 1873

~Lady Robinson

Heart Checks

One of the things I admire most about my fiance is his desire to communicate with me. He is actually much better at being consistent about communicating then I am, but I'm learning! Toward the beginning of the relationship he started this weird thing called "heart checks", which I wasn't so sure about initially. Basically, he would ask me from time to time (probably every week or two), "How is your heart doing?" "Is there anything you need/want to talk about?" At first, I really didn't know what to say. It was awkward sometimes to actually say what was on my mind, because sometimes it didn't "fit" the context of what was happening around us, or the topic of conversation just discussed.

Even so, we both persevered through the awkwardness until it became natural to discuss anything and everything with each other. Now it isn't so necessary for us to have a "name" for our little discussions, but they still happen all the time.

I wouldn't normally bring up this topic because it often takes a little explanation as to why it wasn't natural for him and I to discuss everything at first. The truth of the matter is that we were set up on basically a blind date, and we really didn't know each other! We had to get to the "meaningful" stage quickly because we both wanted to get married, and if the other person wasn't right for us, we both wanted to know as soon as possible to avoid heartbreak later on. So, the heart checks started once we were sure we wanted to continue the relationship (within the first month of us going out).

It may not be awkward for every couple to do these very purposeful heart checks, but for some people they will feel very "premeditated." Well... they are! I believe in relationship with purpose, but surrounded by love and romance. When my fiance and I do heart checks, it is a display of love with a goal in mind - the other's emotional/spiritual health. We don't have a "specific" time during which we have these special conversations, so in that sense ours are spontaneous, but some couples may need to set aside some time every week to just get to know the other one all over again.

Hearts need attachment, they need love, and they need care on a regular basis. This is oftentimes (not always) the problem with long-distance type relationships. But those of us who live near our significant others (or spouses hopefully with your husband/wife), often become complacent in having that other person around. We assume that they know what is going on in our life, but they may be in the dark about our struggles if we don't share with them what's going on. Neither men nor women are mind readers! Don't take for granted the physical presence of your significant other and expect that they know what's going on in your heart without a clear and honest discussion.

One of the ways in which my fiance and I accomplish regular heart checks is through date night. We try and take time every week to go out and talk, regardless of what we end up doing during that day/night. It may just be sitting around with a cup of tea in the evening and chatting. That certainly qualifies as date night! And it is the perfect setting for sharing your heart with your significant other.

I am so grateful that my love takes time to check on my spiritual health, my emotional health, and everything in between. I'm so glad that he didn't mind the awkwardness that we experienced to achieve the level of emotional intimacy we have today through these heart checks. I hope that every couple gets to experience what we have! And I encourage you to try it if you haven't yet with your significant other. God bless your endeavors!

Sincerely
~Lady Robinson

Peace! Peace!

The United Nations was intended to be a safety net designed to promote the welfare of many nations through peace and economic stabilization. Although I am most definitely not against the promotion of peace, it concerns me that many nations have submitted themselves to an overarching "collective" organization that may or may not have the best interests of the county at heart. I want to emphasize that it is not for the good they have done in the world that I am criticizing this organization (or better yet, group of organizations. See IMF, World Bank, etc.) I am more attempting to provide a critique of the reasons for the existence of the organization in the first place.

What is the fundamental problem? Well, for protection (i.e. peace) to occur, submission to the protector must occur. This peace given by the U.N. has not surprisingly come at a price for many nations in the form of sanctions, regulations, and sometimes complete economic overhaul (See the Asian Financial Crisis or the Argentinian or Mexican Financial Crisis situations for further study). This is not surprising to me because it is difficult for any institution with values of its own to somehow bring together many nations operating off of different fundamental presuppositions about life, economics, and government together and expect that a particular policy objective will in some way be good for every country. If it isn't good for every country, who gets left out? And more importantly, who decides who gets the short end of the stick?

Personally, I am unwilling to submit myself entirely to my government for my protection and the protection of my family. "Entirely" being the key word. However, I do submit myself to the police force, firefighters, and public hospital workers for some degree of overarching protection and health. These things do not necessarily exist in opposition to each other. I am not anti-protection or anti-government. If anything, the government ought to be serving the people in this way! And I am grateful for that service. I believe that government exists to "govern" a body of individuals, each with their own rights and freedoms, by providing a societal order that facilitates these freedoms. The government ought not work in opposition to those freedoms. So in this way the government works for the people, not the other way around.

Just as the current gun legislation will lead to the suppression of individual rights, taking away my right to protect myself in the way I deem appropriate, so the U.N. overreaches when it dictates policies to nations that infringe upon the basic freedoms of the citizens.

The U.N. works for the nations which are a part of it. However, the U.N. ought to have even less power and authority over the lives of citizens because it is not elected by the people, and is not therefore accountable to the people like our government theoretically is.... It amazes me that a nation like America which is so apparently concerned with "democracy" would be behind such an institution.

Although the U.N. does much good in the world, I believe it needs to be restructured at least. I do not have the answer, but there needs to be some mechanism of accountability to the citizens of the "United" nations. Otherwise, the U.N. is nothing more than an oligopoly, an elitist group over all nations, dictating what they ought and ought not do. The major difference is elections, decisions, term limits, and these types of things.

I believe that at some point it is inevitable that the U.N. will overreach in its authority, if it hasn't already. Peace is not worth the sacrifice of freedom. It is too high a price. They say, "Peace! Peace!" When there is no peace. Do not be fooled, an oligopoly has only ever led to war.

The concept of the U.N. is not a bad one, but the structure of the U.N. is poor at best. As with many systems of government in the world, the U.N. does not place individual freedom as its priority. Prosperity and peace are only possible under the freedom to innovate, produce, and truly live without oppression. Let us not be the nation that is taken over because we sacrifice our freedom for a peace that will never be realized.

Think About It
~ Lady Robinson

Showered with Blessings

It is difficult for me to explain the feelings of gratefulness that overwhelm the bride at her wedding shower. The incredible generosity of my friends, family, and relatives is unfathomable. And I thought birthdays were fun!! I never could have foreseen the beauty of the day, given the nervous wreck I became about an hour before the party started.

In the beginning, I made the horrible mistake of putting "regrets only" on the 100+ invitations that were sent out. I didn't want my maid of honor (a busy girl in her own right) to be bombarded with calls, but it caused a good deal of stress as people didn't call.....and didn't call....and didn't call! Even people who I knew for a fact wouldn't come (out of state, etc) didn't call. The result was a crazy guessing game to figure out how many people would show up. Brides beware!

We finally decided on a realistic number and began setting up the somewhat cozy fellowship hall at my church. That afternoon people started trickling in one by one, and some large groups. At one point I left the room to be interviewed for a nice form of the newlywed game, and when I came back the room was packed, with even more coming in! The gift table overflowed. People were joyful as they reunited with old friends over an even more joyful union. My fiance and I made our way around the room saying our hello's to our friends old and new.

I heard a count at one point of 76 women, but I'm sure that including the bridal party and coordinators, there were at least 85-90. We had enough food, yay! We also had enough tables and chairs (barely!), and the Lord took care of everything that we could not foresee. I was absolutely overwhelmed!

But the real shocking thing was how people's love and support manifested itself in the incredible gifts. My fiance and I are so grateful for the things to start our new home with! I went home and cried for the generosity that was shown, the sacrifices people made, and the grace of God in our lives that brought us to this point.

People kept asking me throughout the day, "what are you feeling?" I had no real answer for them! How could I describe the love I felt? There are no words adequate to describe that thankfulness. It hit me again the day after, when Mr. Robinson and I were going through and packing up/organizing everything, and again when we wrote some of the thank-you notes. We are still trying to track down the extra envelopes for mailed in gifts!

If you were there, you saw the love and fellowship, and this is my way of describing "what I'm feeling" for those who asked. Thank-you so much for your friendship and support as we start our new life. Mr and I are praying blessings on you all. Our wedding shower was an absolutely unforgettable experience!

Sincerely,
~Lady Robinson