One Year Later - Anniversary Musings and Things Learned

Tomorrow is our anniversary!! So I thought it would be appropriate to kick off jumping back into blogging with a post about marriage. Marriage is more of a gift than I ever could have imagined. Before I got married, I imagined how life would be once I said those vows. Honestly, I wasn’t even close - it is much better! So, in honor of our one year anniversary, I wanted to write a short synopsis of 10 things I have learned about life and marriage since walking down the aisle. 

First, as cliche as it sounds, I have learned the importance of making God the center of our relationship. This is always emphasized leading up to marriage, so that you keep yourselves pure, etc. But honestly, the courtship/dating phase is so short, and the true test of your focus comes after you have said your vows, made your new home just the way you like it, and when you begin to settle into your new routine. There is a temptation to say “Yay! We made it!” and then to forget that purity, love, and holiness are things that you must continually strive for in your relationship. 

One other point regarding this is the importance of making the center of your personal life as an individual within a marriage revolve around God. I can tell a difference in my attitude, which impacts our marriage, when I am neglecting time alone with God. Personal Bible reading, memorization, listening to sermons and Christian podcasts, going to Bible studies and church services, and fellowshipping with other Christian men and women are ways that both Paul and I feed our relationships with God. Then we have the ability to pour into each other more effectively. 

Second, I have learned and I’m still learning how true it is that the “two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). I have to say, sometimes I find this absolutely hilarious, and sometimes it is sobering. You get to a point in dealing with your spouse where you are really on the same wavelength in your thinking. At the very least, you know what the other one is thinking - even if you disagree! It can be as simple as having the same food craving at the same time, or something as deep as being wounded by someone and truly feeling your spouse’s hurt. Things like, when you are struggling with a tough decision, and you have to throw yourself toward your spouse for love and support, or when you are homesick (we are about 1000 miles from our families, and moved just after we got married out of the only state we had ever lived in), when you don’t know how much money will be coming in next week because business is slow, when you are struggling to understand a biblical concept, or when you are attacked for what you believe, are the times during which you truly become one.

Third, I have learned how difficult but extremely rewarding it is to keep our home clean! I like nothing more than to have a clean home that is organized and smells good. This state of existence however, is sometimes challenging to maintain. I have never appreciated my mother more... I am getting the hang of things though, and I love entertaining and having people over. 

This kind of leads me to the fourth thing I’ve learned about marriage. I have learned that I enjoy doing the traditional “wifely” things quite a bit. I like to cook, clean, and take care of the things around the house even though I work outside the home and I enjoy that quite a bit too! Eventually however, I would like to have children and be a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. In the mean time though, I love discovering the dance of being husband and wife, and figuring out our roles within this beautiful blessing called marriage in the place where God has called us to be right now. 

Fifth, I have learned to appreciate the strengths of my husband. I alluded to this earlier in point number two, but it is really important that as a couple you can lean on each other, and I very much lean on Paul. He is my rock when life beats me up. When my emotions are out of control, he is there, strong and steady. He is quiet and gentle, loving and soooooooo patient. Honestly, his strongest character trait that I test and draw on regularly is his patience. It is amazing.... He is my opposite in this particular sense, although we are becoming one in this too. It is hard to be impatient when you have someone around who is so calm in the midst of chaos. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful husband. 

Sixth, I have learned that it is not necessary to scream, throw things, and fight all the time, just to have a “real” relationship. I have heard this argument made, and yes, Paul and I have disagreements. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we get into heated debate, but never once has Paul raise his voice at me, and never once have I thrown anything at him. We settle our disagreements like grown ups, not like two year olds. 

Temper tantrums are not allowed in this home, principally by spouses (in the future you can replace spouses with “Mommy and Daddy”). We are human, and yes, we will argue, but this is no excuse for me to get out of control. I am preaching to myself here, because I am the one who is more prone to this. Paul has an incredible amount of self control, which I am attempting to absorb from him as we grow closer! Remember, this is a learning experience... haha (By the way, we both laughed at the picture above from I Love Lucy, which is an amazing classic television show for those too young to remember!)

The seventh thing I have learned about marriage is that it is important to relax together. Paul and I do relax separately, and that is important too, but there is a special significance to making time together something that can be relaxing. You don’t always have to be doing something - going out to eat, running errands, having a discussion, hanging out with friends, etc. And perhaps for some of you, it is relaxing to do some of those things! But for Paul and I, we like to lay around quietly, sometimes watching a funny old episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, and this is how we relax. We are very comfortable just sitting together quietly, doing nothing! I don’t want to associate my time with Paul with things that stress me out. He needs to be a part of my relaxation, because he is a part of me. 

The eighth thing I have learned about marriage is that you must be honest with each other. This is one of those “duh” things, but it is important that it is said. Sometimes, when you spend time with each other all the time, and you are in the process of becoming one, you don’t stop to think about what your spouse is missing in what you may be thinking or feeling about a particular subject. Many times Paul and I have gotten to a point where he or I simply didn’t realize the other one was thinking a particular way about something, and it has lead to assumptions which can be confusing and difficult to remedy. Be upfront about how you are thinking and feeling, and don’t leave your spouse guessing to try and “figure out” why you’re acting weird, or why you seem shocked over an issue. Just say what you’re thinking and feeling - it makes life way easier!

The ninth thing I have learned about marriage is this: Marriage is a ministry. As a Christian, I have had to realize that my marriage is a ministry to those around me, and the way that I act toward my husband in the public arena is of the utmost importance, because it reflects directly on Christ and his relationship to his church. If I am disrespectful, condescending, and cruel toward my husband, people will see that, and my witness will be hindered. The same of course goes for Paul, but I am talking about me and what I have learned, for those of you who may be thinking about this from both a husband’s and a wife’s perspective. Either way, if you are slanderous toward your spouse, especially behind their back, it is so damaging to both your relationship and your testimony to what Christ has done and is doing. Of course you will make mistakes, and you should be honest about those mistakes when those conversations come up. Obviously blabbing to the world about your personal problems is not what I am advocating when I say “honesty.” Please understand my meaning here. Appropriate honesty is important, because we are not perfect, and Christ is sanctifying us. But what I am really referring to when I speak about not slandering your husband or your marriage, is ragging on them behind their back, and truly gossiping about your spouse! Have discernment when speaking about those you love to others who are not only watching you and them, but watching Christ in you. Be aware of your witness.

Finally, I will close with the tenth thing I have learned about marriage. You must guard one another. In saying this, I am not necessarily speaking about temptations, which will come up and are very important to guard against. I am more referring to guarding one another from the attacks and onslaught of the world. People are not always kind, and you cannot always be there to defend your spouse. Because of this, make your home a safe place, a place of love, rest, and comfort. When someone says or does something terrible, make home that refuge to flee to when there is trouble. Let your arms be open to embrace your spouse at the end of a hard day, and let your bedroom especially be a place of special intimacy and safety, away from even thinking about the world. We have a rule in our bedroom - no talking about business! Haha... It is just one of many proactive ways we make stressful things melt away in our private time. For every couple this will look different, but for us, this is how we make home.... home. :) 

There are so many other things I could say about the little things I have learned during the past year. There are so many things I am grateful for, so many funny things, and so many serious things. But I cannot possibly put them all in one blog post, so this must be sufficient for now. I hope this was encouraging to you, my readers, and that it made you smile. Here's to a great first year! 

God bless,

~Lady Robinson